Wow, thank you Amanda. I had never thought of my fascination with connotation vs denotation as a special interest, but I have the ouch of recognition. I have learned most other humans have less than zero interest in that, even among writer chums. In middle-age I have embraced ‘daggily earnest’ - a veiled snub I was handed a few years ago when I over-explained on socials.
I haven't yet encountered this in my comments section, but I do encounter it with my son who is autistic in conversation all the time. He's also trans, so was socialized as a girl his entire childhood and has many of the masking and parroting tendencies of autistic girls. I am aware of how both stimulate many of his social tendencies, but I'd never read it laid out so clearly. Thank you.
Asha, thank you for sharing about your son’s experiences. I am genuinely rooting for him to find his people in life — and sometimes the easiest way is to embrace those special interests and let the true friends fall in line. 🫶
So good -- I have more to say after a re-read, but here’s what stands out to me now:
“They’re pathologically afraid of getting something wrong and so will be on the “periphery of play,” but avidly watching what’s going on before they make a move to join in.”
I used to watch my son do this at the pool when he was in elementary school. He always seemed eager to play with other kids, and I would watch him hang out on the outside of activity, observing them, before he would make his way in to join.
But he always joined. And I was always so proud of him for being brave to play with strangers - our daughter never did that.
He was diagnosed on the spectrum at age 17, so now I’m viewing those observations through a new lens.
Oohhhh... and Bryan just reminded me that when he was 4 or 5 we took him to his first T-Ball practice and he REFUSED to engage. He stayed over to the side on the playground and watched everything, but would not join in. His brain at that age was like “Nope. I don’t grok this situation.”
Thanks for sharing this! I think one of the hardest things for me (both pre- and post-diagnosis) is that how I feel my best and bring my best contributions is counter to most of the opportunities to children. I can see in my mind’s eye and step into your son’s experience — a bunch of loud, rambunctious kids jumping and running in all directions? Wowzer. No thank you! That’s too much to learn and too little space to focus and figure out how to join in without at least a little contemplation and prep.
Second, we have a good friend who is on the spectrum who joins our weekly fire nights. She is *full* of special interests, and it’s one of the things I love about her (though I had never heard it called a special interest)! She knows *everything* about volcanos, and the ocean, and a few other topics. If I mention something about a homelessness issue, she has all the nerdy facts and contexts on the top of her tongue. It’s so fun to have conversations with her because she retains so much information. I’ve always wondered how she could do that, and I like how you describing filing or cataloging or indexing them in your brain (I can’t remember how you put it.)
“So if you’ve got a newsletter and you’re hoping to foster conversations in the comments section, keep an eye out for those of us in the neurodiverse crowd. The safer and more inclusive you can make those comments sections (or your Notes!), the more likely you are to find a growing crowd of some of the truest fans. This in turn, I believe, ultimately leads to more successful and flourishing spaces, which is a win for everyone involved.”
This also stood out to me. In my day job I do a lot of writing and working in the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion space (DEI) where a best practice is being aware of how we center ourselves in a conversation or space that isn’t about us. Ironically, I don’t think neurodiversity is typically included in the inclusion part, so it occurs to me how this doubling down on “centering” is doubling down on “othering” people with autism/special interests. Something for me to think about, professionally.
I had an experience where I “special interest bombed” a person’s Note on Substack, and immediately after I published, I went, “Well, crap. I forgot to ask if her feelings even cared about aviation safety.” 🤦🏻♀️
And a little further down a “community manager” came in and basically passively sassed at the comments (mine wasn’t the only one to focus on safety features) by saying “I find all these comments wholly unhelpful...”
Instantly I felt a gut punch. I did the talking wrong, in her opinion. She saw her kind of commenting as the best and others as wrong. And she said so! And I wanted to crawl in a hole. 😬 Is that inclusive? Or is that censoring the comments? It felt like she was expecting us to be offering the right kind of neurotypical support/comments/engagement.
All this to say, I would love to keep hearing about the filter you bring to your day-job writing. Because it does seem that the collective we have some hurdles to cross.
My gosh, Amanda, I had no idea you were feeling that way over at Writer Everlasting. I feel as if I could have been a bit more sensitive, and for that I'm sorry.
When I tell you and everyone else over there that I want you to feel comfortable, no matter what you have to say, I really mean it. I want it to be your space to teach and to question as much as mine.
I'm glad you've expressed this so well here. We're all learning in this brave new world and who better to learn from than those who experience things in ways we would never be aware of otherwise?
Keep speaking out. Keep educating us. I love how you write and what you have to say. ❤️️
The only reason I even shared the screenshot of our chat was because I felt that you did handle it well. I want to know if I've veered away from the main question, and I appreciated your frankness so I could understand. (For what it's worth, I misread things a lot, so I appreciate your Substack being a place where I can say as much.) 🫶
I almost got chills reading about your experiences growing up because I relate so much. The same with the traits you listed from Dr. Attwood's video. I didn't watch it. I assume you picked the things that you found the most relatable.
One of my special interests (web development) is pulling me far, far away from Substack at the moment.
Also, speaking of special interests ... I’ve got a lot I’m tweaking behind the scenes with my Substack but today I just couldn’t sit on my hands anymore about a “sub newsletter” I’m calling “The Spectrum Spotlight.” And I’m officially soliciting you to consider writing a piece about a special interest that would feel extra good to write about. Hopefully this link will work. If not I’ll come back later and fix it. 🙃
Thanks Amanda! I've filled out the form. It makes me feel so happy and honored that you'd want me to write something for "The Spectrum Spotlight." I won't be able to get started for a couple of weeks, though, because I'm both emersed in what I'm doing and we're in the process of moving to a new place.
This was helpful, as I do not know much about how neurodiverse people experience the world. What could look to me like being not even related might just be someone responding to something that triggered their special interest radar.
It happens a lot to me. I make connections back to my special interests all the time and usually spend a lot of time self editing and analyzing what I say before anything leaves my mouth. It’s an exhausting way to communicate. I’d love a world where maybe it’s ok if I get lost / off topic every once in a while. :)
So much to relate to here, such as the "periphery of play", which I still do!
Substack has turned at to be an amazingly supportive place. My Substack subscriber list actually grew of an occasional group email that I would send to some former volunteer colleagues who I called my "infodump" list.
I am sooo excited (and yes, obviously enthusiastic) about discovering your Substack! Small talk, periphery play, over-editing what I comment & post, loneliness, instinctive masking—YES. One of my earliest special interests also came out of my intuitive attempt to figure out social and interpersonal interaction. It not only morphed into writing fiction really young, but also character creation onstage through theater and dance. Those became my career. Being verrrry late to the Autistic Ah-Hah party (in my 40s) I only recently started understanding this was a special interest developed instinctually out of necessity, that morphed into my life’s longest enduring passions.
Thank you for putting all of this so clearly! OMGs “Ultra Useful Power Ranger Mode!!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 YES. I’m dyin’ over here. The accidental special interest bombing—those are really great ways of (gently, compassionately) encouraging and inviting (with boundaries) while blaring the coded reminder that somebody else’s wall isn’t the best place to spin off into Special Interest Infodump Invitational.
I, um…I may have created an entire separate Substack publication for my special interests and then created a Section within that called Hyperfixator’s Haven just to corral when I reeeeeally go down the rabbit hole. Ahem. That way, i can Go OFF without feeling *insert the gamut of icky emotions here*, while subscribers can mute me if they’re not equally as obsessed with this stuff as I am but they still want all the creative process, art & nature stuff. 🤪🤓🙃
Gonna sit on my hands & face now. Because yup, you just pushed the big red button: Super Duper Star Eyes Mode after stumbling upon someone meeping and morping in MyLanguage. I look forward to reading more!
Haha I see your enthusiasm and can feel it in your writing! Yes, we just have these fireworks of joy around things we love!! And as someone in their late 30s who’s just starting to step into the fullness of loving what my animal body loves (as Mary Oliver would say), all I want is to be around others who are rejoicing in the things they love.
So funny about the separate Substack for your special interests. This is actually in the foundational murmurings of why I created The Spectrum Spotlight — because I KNOOOOOW how good it feels to swim in a special interest and also feel like there’s no place for that enthusiasm to belong or even be celebrated. Anyways you should think about sharing an idea for a guest column there. We just launched this week and I’ve got a handful of columns that are in progress right now. 🧡
Whooooaaaaaah...shweeeeet. As I just blathered in answer to one of your questions, I’m out in the toolie bushes, Spoon gathering. But this is soooo bookmarked! What an awesome space you’re creating around here. 🥰🙏🥰
Wow, thank you Amanda. I had never thought of my fascination with connotation vs denotation as a special interest, but I have the ouch of recognition. I have learned most other humans have less than zero interest in that, even among writer chums. In middle-age I have embraced ‘daggily earnest’ - a veiled snub I was handed a few years ago when I over-explained on socials.
“The ouch of recognition.” That’s coming with me.
I haven't yet encountered this in my comments section, but I do encounter it with my son who is autistic in conversation all the time. He's also trans, so was socialized as a girl his entire childhood and has many of the masking and parroting tendencies of autistic girls. I am aware of how both stimulate many of his social tendencies, but I'd never read it laid out so clearly. Thank you.
Asha, thank you for sharing about your son’s experiences. I am genuinely rooting for him to find his people in life — and sometimes the easiest way is to embrace those special interests and let the true friends fall in line. 🫶
Thanks, Amanda! He’s already doing a handy job of finding his people, which makes me super happy.
So good -- I have more to say after a re-read, but here’s what stands out to me now:
“They’re pathologically afraid of getting something wrong and so will be on the “periphery of play,” but avidly watching what’s going on before they make a move to join in.”
I used to watch my son do this at the pool when he was in elementary school. He always seemed eager to play with other kids, and I would watch him hang out on the outside of activity, observing them, before he would make his way in to join.
But he always joined. And I was always so proud of him for being brave to play with strangers - our daughter never did that.
He was diagnosed on the spectrum at age 17, so now I’m viewing those observations through a new lens.
Oohhhh... and Bryan just reminded me that when he was 4 or 5 we took him to his first T-Ball practice and he REFUSED to engage. He stayed over to the side on the playground and watched everything, but would not join in. His brain at that age was like “Nope. I don’t grok this situation.”
Thanks for sharing this! I think one of the hardest things for me (both pre- and post-diagnosis) is that how I feel my best and bring my best contributions is counter to most of the opportunities to children. I can see in my mind’s eye and step into your son’s experience — a bunch of loud, rambunctious kids jumping and running in all directions? Wowzer. No thank you! That’s too much to learn and too little space to focus and figure out how to join in without at least a little contemplation and prep.
Second, we have a good friend who is on the spectrum who joins our weekly fire nights. She is *full* of special interests, and it’s one of the things I love about her (though I had never heard it called a special interest)! She knows *everything* about volcanos, and the ocean, and a few other topics. If I mention something about a homelessness issue, she has all the nerdy facts and contexts on the top of her tongue. It’s so fun to have conversations with her because she retains so much information. I’ve always wondered how she could do that, and I like how you describing filing or cataloging or indexing them in your brain (I can’t remember how you put it.)
We can go for miles and miles. Who needs ChatGPT? Just get ten solid Autistic friends and you’ll have a constant encyclopedic supply of knowledge. 😂
“So if you’ve got a newsletter and you’re hoping to foster conversations in the comments section, keep an eye out for those of us in the neurodiverse crowd. The safer and more inclusive you can make those comments sections (or your Notes!), the more likely you are to find a growing crowd of some of the truest fans. This in turn, I believe, ultimately leads to more successful and flourishing spaces, which is a win for everyone involved.”
This also stood out to me. In my day job I do a lot of writing and working in the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion space (DEI) where a best practice is being aware of how we center ourselves in a conversation or space that isn’t about us. Ironically, I don’t think neurodiversity is typically included in the inclusion part, so it occurs to me how this doubling down on “centering” is doubling down on “othering” people with autism/special interests. Something for me to think about, professionally.
This is very thoughtful of you to filter through.
I had an experience where I “special interest bombed” a person’s Note on Substack, and immediately after I published, I went, “Well, crap. I forgot to ask if her feelings even cared about aviation safety.” 🤦🏻♀️
And a little further down a “community manager” came in and basically passively sassed at the comments (mine wasn’t the only one to focus on safety features) by saying “I find all these comments wholly unhelpful...”
Instantly I felt a gut punch. I did the talking wrong, in her opinion. She saw her kind of commenting as the best and others as wrong. And she said so! And I wanted to crawl in a hole. 😬 Is that inclusive? Or is that censoring the comments? It felt like she was expecting us to be offering the right kind of neurotypical support/comments/engagement.
All this to say, I would love to keep hearing about the filter you bring to your day-job writing. Because it does seem that the collective we have some hurdles to cross.
My gosh, Amanda, I had no idea you were feeling that way over at Writer Everlasting. I feel as if I could have been a bit more sensitive, and for that I'm sorry.
When I tell you and everyone else over there that I want you to feel comfortable, no matter what you have to say, I really mean it. I want it to be your space to teach and to question as much as mine.
I'm glad you've expressed this so well here. We're all learning in this brave new world and who better to learn from than those who experience things in ways we would never be aware of otherwise?
Keep speaking out. Keep educating us. I love how you write and what you have to say. ❤️️
The only reason I even shared the screenshot of our chat was because I felt that you did handle it well. I want to know if I've veered away from the main question, and I appreciated your frankness so I could understand. (For what it's worth, I misread things a lot, so I appreciate your Substack being a place where I can say as much.) 🫶
Thank you for that. And you know you're always welcome!
I almost got chills reading about your experiences growing up because I relate so much. The same with the traits you listed from Dr. Attwood's video. I didn't watch it. I assume you picked the things that you found the most relatable.
One of my special interests (web development) is pulling me far, far away from Substack at the moment.
I’m glad to know you’re reading along. 🤗
Also, speaking of special interests ... I’ve got a lot I’m tweaking behind the scenes with my Substack but today I just couldn’t sit on my hands anymore about a “sub newsletter” I’m calling “The Spectrum Spotlight.” And I’m officially soliciting you to consider writing a piece about a special interest that would feel extra good to write about. Hopefully this link will work. If not I’ll come back later and fix it. 🙃
https://open.substack.com/pub/whatlittleiknow/p/pitch-your-special-interest-to-the?r=4i32v&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Thanks Amanda! I've filled out the form. It makes me feel so happy and honored that you'd want me to write something for "The Spectrum Spotlight." I won't be able to get started for a couple of weeks, though, because I'm both emersed in what I'm doing and we're in the process of moving to a new place.
This was helpful, as I do not know much about how neurodiverse people experience the world. What could look to me like being not even related might just be someone responding to something that triggered their special interest radar.
It happens a lot to me. I make connections back to my special interests all the time and usually spend a lot of time self editing and analyzing what I say before anything leaves my mouth. It’s an exhausting way to communicate. I’d love a world where maybe it’s ok if I get lost / off topic every once in a while. :)
So much to relate to here, such as the "periphery of play", which I still do!
Substack has turned at to be an amazingly supportive place. My Substack subscriber list actually grew of an occasional group email that I would send to some former volunteer colleagues who I called my "infodump" list.
I am sooo excited (and yes, obviously enthusiastic) about discovering your Substack! Small talk, periphery play, over-editing what I comment & post, loneliness, instinctive masking—YES. One of my earliest special interests also came out of my intuitive attempt to figure out social and interpersonal interaction. It not only morphed into writing fiction really young, but also character creation onstage through theater and dance. Those became my career. Being verrrry late to the Autistic Ah-Hah party (in my 40s) I only recently started understanding this was a special interest developed instinctually out of necessity, that morphed into my life’s longest enduring passions.
Thank you for putting all of this so clearly! OMGs “Ultra Useful Power Ranger Mode!!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 YES. I’m dyin’ over here. The accidental special interest bombing—those are really great ways of (gently, compassionately) encouraging and inviting (with boundaries) while blaring the coded reminder that somebody else’s wall isn’t the best place to spin off into Special Interest Infodump Invitational.
I, um…I may have created an entire separate Substack publication for my special interests and then created a Section within that called Hyperfixator’s Haven just to corral when I reeeeeally go down the rabbit hole. Ahem. That way, i can Go OFF without feeling *insert the gamut of icky emotions here*, while subscribers can mute me if they’re not equally as obsessed with this stuff as I am but they still want all the creative process, art & nature stuff. 🤪🤓🙃
Gonna sit on my hands & face now. Because yup, you just pushed the big red button: Super Duper Star Eyes Mode after stumbling upon someone meeping and morping in MyLanguage. I look forward to reading more!
Haha I see your enthusiasm and can feel it in your writing! Yes, we just have these fireworks of joy around things we love!! And as someone in their late 30s who’s just starting to step into the fullness of loving what my animal body loves (as Mary Oliver would say), all I want is to be around others who are rejoicing in the things they love.
So funny about the separate Substack for your special interests. This is actually in the foundational murmurings of why I created The Spectrum Spotlight — because I KNOOOOOW how good it feels to swim in a special interest and also feel like there’s no place for that enthusiasm to belong or even be celebrated. Anyways you should think about sharing an idea for a guest column there. We just launched this week and I’ve got a handful of columns that are in progress right now. 🧡
Here’s a link to the page with more specifics about The Spectrum Spotlight:
https://theeditingspectrum.substack.com/p/pitch-your-special-interest-to-the
Whooooaaaaaah...shweeeeet. As I just blathered in answer to one of your questions, I’m out in the toolie bushes, Spoon gathering. But this is soooo bookmarked! What an awesome space you’re creating around here. 🥰🙏🥰
And yesssss...swapping enthusiasm. It’s Tha Best!